So I just lost 4 pairs of underwear in the span of 3 minutes. Upon wearing my third pair of underwear in a new set of 3 I got for Christmas, I realized unconsciously that they were a bit constrictive, but that they should stretch. I tried to violently stretch my 3rd pair after today, but to no avail. These things are bound with leather. I checked the label on the back of it and it said for sizes 28-30. My mother knows I was a 34 but I dropped down to 32 because I matured, and baggy pants haven’t been cool since high school. I realized these won’t work. Goodbye red lumberjack underwear. Goodbye violet flannel underwear. Goodbye underwear with red lumberjack bears pawing across a grey oblivion. I replaced them with my size 32 underwear, and tore the middle by getting a toe caught in the pee hole. Awesome. Goodbye Grey underwear with black cross-hatching. You have cradled my children on extravagant nights of porno before an exam. You never strayed far when the birthday was technically over. Your faith is stainless. Onward to underwear #5. Good shittance.

(I apologize to myself for not spacing this enough from my previous post.)